Forum… Or Against ’em

By Count Friedrich von Olsen
By now, faithful readers, you know that I am a tried and true conservative, a Republican, a Tory, a traditionalist, a Bonapartiste. It should go without saying that in my old guard, hidebound ways I am anything but a bleeding heart liberal. But there is, alas, one issue upon which my heart pours forth blood. I cry for the wild horses…
Right now in Congress a decision awaits that will have grave consequences for these noble creatures. I am calling for all of you with blood coursing in your veins to do something, to yell from the rooftops, to grab your fellow man in the streets by the lapels, to pick up your pens, to use your phones, to communicate with your Congressman or Congresswoman and demand human compassion for our equine brothers and sisters….
A bill that is to fund the Department of the Interior would allow the Bureau of Land Management to euthanize free-roaming mustangs and burros. An agriculture funding bill is purposed to reopen horse slaughterhouses across the fruited plain. I am torn as to which is worse…
The Appropriations Committee approved on July 18 the first bill, which funds the Department of the Interior and the Environmental Protection Agency in fiscal year 2018. An amendment made by the horribly misguided Congressman Chris Stewart, of Utah, lifts a ban on the destruction on wild horses just as long as they are not killed for commercial reasons. I abide by the 11th Commandment, “Thou shalt not speak evil of a fellow Republican,” but, God forgive me please, I am sorely tempted in this case to tell everyone what a low form of guttersnipe politician Mr. Stewart is…
The Bureau of Land Management persists in asserting that the wild horse and burro population is unsustainable. Its statistics show there are an estimated 72,674 burros and wild horses as of March 1, 2017, what these infantile adults claim is 47,000 beyond the level the federal land upon which these defenseless creatures roam can reasonably sustain. These people say that this population is bringing grief to these wild horses and burros, that they are suffering. They say the only way to help the horses and burros is to kill the horses and burros…
These bills are wrongheaded and have the potential for undoing the protections that were given to horses and burros in 1971, when the United States passed the Wild Free Roaming Horses and Burros Act…
I have already adopted hundreds of these horses and sent them to my spread in Wyoming. Next week, I am dispatching my chauffeur, Anthony, first to Arizona and then to Nevada. He has the assignment of hiring a transport and some cowboys so we can round up as many horses as we can and take them away from those who mean them harm…
I am calling upon all of you, my friends and readers, to do what you can to end this interspecies injustice before our collective humanity falls further into a state of unconscionable disrepair. Demand of your Congressman or Congresswoman that all means of adoption encouragement be exhausted before these horses are exterminated…

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