Dear Ms. Trent,
My husband went out to get some cigarettes on the Fourth of July and he never came back. I’ve looked for him in all the usual places, checked with my in-laws and all of his fishing, drinking and poker buddies. I can’t find him. What should I do?
Flustered in Fontana

Dear Flustered,
Brace yourself for this: Have you tried calling the morgue?
Ms. Trent
Dear Ms. Trent,
The other night, Carl, my boyfriend, said he would take me out dancing. On the way there, we got into an argument. I could tell Carl was real mad, because he didn’t come around to open the door for me like he usually does. He went straightaway into Horseshoe Harry’s and started to drink.
I really wanted to dance, so I tried to make up with him, but all he wanted to do is sit there and get blotto. He refused to dance and he even spilled a drink on my dress. So, you know what I did? I walked out on him. I just left him sitting there in Horseshoe Harry’s all alone. I figured I would walk home, but after about ten blocks I realized how far from home I was, and turned around. When I got back to Horseshoe Harry’s, Carl was gone. I kept calling his house but there was no answer all night long. I ended up taking a cab home.
I wasn’t able to find Carl until the next night. He told me that after I left Horseshoe Harry’s, a redhead sat down next to him and he bought her a drink and they started talking. He says he doesn’t remember anything after that until he woke up the next day in a rooming house across town. He says he thinks maybe the redhead slipped him a mickey.
I’m not sure what to think about Carl’s story, except I don’t like it. I suspect he took off with the redhead, but if he did, why would he have even mentioned her? And what were they doing at that rooming house? Every time I ask Carl about what happened, he keeps saying he can’t remember anything until he came to in the rooming house at three o’clock the next afternoon.
Ms. Trent, what should I do?
Perplexed in Pomona

Dear Perplexed,
Call the rooming house and see what size beds it has. If it features cots, I’d say you don’t have anything to worry about. Ditto, single or twin beds. I’d say things are iffy if they have double or full size. If they have queen size or king size, I wouldn’t chance it, and I’d give Carl the short goodbye. It sounds to me like he drinks too much, anyway.
Ms. Trent